The Secrets of Making Friends


In a recent post, Chris Coyier writes: There is lots of interesting bits in the The Secret to Making Friends as an Adult episode of Dr. Laurie Santos’s The Happiness Lab podcast”. Dr. Santos is a Professor of Psychology and Head of Silliman College at Yale University.

Below, Chris, who watched the episode, and has eloquently summarized key points from the podcast.

There were all sorts of other little interesting nuggets…

  • Every 7 years you lose half your friends.
  • People say they prefer friendships that just happen naturally, but people that intentionally cultivate friendships are more successful at doing it.
  • It’s not enough to put yourself in situations where friendships could theoretically happen. You can’t just join a yoga studio and wait for yoga friends to appear. Once you are there you have to put in the effort. Marisa Franco called it covert vs overt avoidance. Overt is just avoiding putting yourself out there entirely. Covert is showing up, but then avoiding people once you’re there. 
  • People want to like you. You don’t have to be the most clever or the funniest. The best bet is being affirming to other people. There is an irony to when you clam up and be protective of yourself and avoid rejection — it appears as if you aren’t interested in them and they are the ones that feel rejected.
– Source: Chris Coyier